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What If I Don’t Want To Follow The ‘Norm’

It’s weird to think that 10-15 years ago I used to look at adults and dream about being one myself. I had my life planned out, to be married by the age of 22 and have two kids by the time I was 25. I used to think that I would have my life sorted and I would be a mature adult by the time I was 20. Yet, now even at the age of 23 I do not put myself in the ‘adult’ category and I do not think of myself as mature.

Even now, I wonder what age will I find ‘the one’ what age will I be when I walk down the aisle and what age will I be when I have my first child? But then I also wonder, will I ever marry and will I ever have children?

Do we really want to fit the norm of working a 9-5 job, getting married and then saying at home with the kids? Or do we do it because we feel like we have to? Even now at the age of 23, I still don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life, I do not know who the person I am going to fall deeply in love will be but yet I feel like I should. I feel like people here my age and expect me to be working the job I will be doing for the rest of my life until I retire. I feel like people judge me because I am single and I’m currently not bothered if I am still single in a years time.

Photo: Elsa Host

Do we really need to plan out our lives like it is some kind of assignment that you are going to pass or fail? I hate when people expect me to live my life in a certain order or a certain way, it makes me want to do the complete opposite. Why should we be told how to live our lives or what order we need to complete it in?

Everybody tends to judge people for acting a certain way, for going out and partying. If they want to do that why shouldn’t they? If that is what makes them happy why can they not do it? Why are females not allowed to go out and find somebody to take home with them and be judged as being a ‘slut’ or ‘whore’. Yet, a lad goes out and gets praised by all his friends for adding another notch to his bed post? I’m not saying that this is what people should go and do and I’m not saying this is what I go out and do, but if people do who are we to judge?

Photo: Martha Hunt

Just the same, why are people judged for spending their weekends at home reading or watching television? It seems that these get judged more than people spending their weekends getting drunk. If their happy time is sitting on the sofa with a nice cuppa and good old fashioned novel, who are we to stop them from doing this?

I don’t actually understand why we are all so judgemental. It doesn’t matter how much you say you are not, as soon as you see somebody you make a judgement, from the way they are dressed to the way they carry themselves across the room. We cannot help but judge people and even though we say you should get to know somebody before making a judgement, we don’t!

This is why, we live in the type of world we do, people are judged from the way they are dressed, from the amount of money in their bank, from the religion they follow, from the type of music they listen to and from every other type of way you can think of. When are we going to start living in a less judgemental world where we do not need to follow the norm, where do not have to live our lives a certain way or in a certain order.

Maybe one day this will change and I’m hoping that day will come soon!

Much Love,

A-xo

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13 Comments

  • Reply lois

    I am at a similar age to yourself and when I was younger I thought that I would have my own home and be settled for life in a career and everything. Boy, was I wrong! This is how I thought life should be, but that was the ‘norm’ that I thought should be a thing. I really do not see myself at this stage in my life working a 9-5 job either. I think it is worse to plan so far ahead. This is a really interesting read. Great post!
    Lois x

    June 11, 2017 at 7:12 pm
  • Reply Corinne & Kirsty

    I don’t understand either. Maybe because we were born and bred in a society where there is a norm and anyone not sticking to it deserves to be punished? I think it is so deeply interiorized that we can’t do anything but try to be more open minded. But yeah, I completely relate. xx corinne

    June 11, 2017 at 7:13 pm
  • Reply Chloe

    I was exactly the same. I went to an all-girls high school and I remember talking in deep detail with friends about our future lives… and it was always the same: married by 20-22 and kids by 25! Seems crazy now that I’ll be 24 this year and can’t even see myself getting in a relationship soon. I suppose that’s life though, and if it always gave us what we expected then it wouldn’t be very interesting. Thanks for the good read!

    June 11, 2017 at 7:26 pm
  • Reply Alisha Ceit

    I am 23 as well and feel exactly the same way. we are still so young and have so much time to figure everything out. Just enjoy being young, free and single!

    June 11, 2017 at 7:33 pm
  • Reply Ellie

    I don’t get it! People seem to be in such a rush to live their lives and do everything all the time that so many of the important things get pushed to the wayside. You just keep living your life how you want to and don’t worry what everybody else thinks ❤

    Ellie
    http://www.headintheclouds.me.uk

    June 11, 2017 at 7:48 pm
  • Reply Jenny

    Amen to all of that – so well written and argued. I’m turning 30 soon and i still have no idea what i want from life. I’m happy though, being single, working part time and just learning finally how to be me. Good luck and enjoy yourself doing what feels right to you x

    June 11, 2017 at 10:28 pm
  • Reply Kimmiee

    Really enjoyed reading this post honey, you’ve got everything so spot on & so right xx

    https://thetypicalbeautyblog.wordpress.com

    June 12, 2017 at 10:50 pm
  • Reply Maria

    All I can say is yes, yes and yes to this post. Can’t rush things in life…
    xo Maria
    themariaedit.blogspot.com

    June 13, 2017 at 6:22 am
  • Reply Rosa

    I’m the same, also 23 and I thought my life would be sorted right now, but it isn’t and I kind of like that.

    http://ohduckydarling.com

    June 15, 2017 at 1:01 pm
  • Reply Tori

    I had it all planned out too – married at 23, baby at 25. Over ten years on I am married (met him mid 20s, married early 30s) and no sign of a child (mid 30s now) – you just have to go with the flow!

    June 16, 2017 at 7:42 pm
  • Reply Ella

    I’m totally with you on not wanting to subscribe to the norm / expected life style, but I was just wondering, the girls in the pictures you used are they supposed to be the norm or no? You seem to exercise deep introspective thoughts with your writing but I’m confused about your choice of images cuz what they seem to represent is the new norm ideal for what women in their twenties should be / want to be but your post was about not wanting to conform to ideals / expectations if I’m not reading it wrong? I promise you this isn’t meant with ill intent as I think you’re a great writer, I’m honestly just curious what your thought process was on that front. One of the under lining points of your article was wanting not to feel judged and I think personally it would have been more impactful to see images of yourself embracing who you are as you are.

    June 19, 2017 at 12:41 pm
  • Reply Bethany jones

    I sometimes worry if im going through life in the ‘right’ way, when really, there’s no certain way life should be done as your life is your life. Its a shame everyone makes judgements, even unintentionally, but i guess its because everyone learns from each other in a way. Completely agree with what you’re saying in this post and it made for a great read.

    June 24, 2017 at 11:55 pm
  • Reply Eva

    Ah, I totally relate to this! You’ve perfectly captured the pitfalls of planning out your life. It’s something I’ve learnt the hard way this year, after lots of things I had planned have fallen apart because, well, life happened! I used to have a very similar plan to you – having my marriage and kids and everything else all planned for certain ages, but now I’m trying hard to live each day as it comes. Que sera, sera – as they say!

    whatevawears.co.uk

    July 29, 2017 at 1:42 pm
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